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0:00 All right, we'll say good morning. 0:07 Good morning. Let us continue. 0:09 I figured we'd uh a day of cook uh between but it's still the uh still the season for chova. 0:20 Always the season. So, we left off in the middle of I actually put the PDF on the on the WhatsApp chat uh last evening. 0:29 So remember again we orient ourselves a little bit. 0:31 So this is chapter 3 gimmel in chuva. 0:34 So theuk began by talking about the idea that essentially there are two different types of chuva. 0:40 Well there are many more than two different types of chuva but again for this for these purposes says two categories. 0:46 Category one is what he called chuva pris mifures which literally means specific directed chva. 0:54 So that's more what we would call classic chuva almost like myodian like chova where a person has committed a particular aa I've done something wrong I know what I've done wrong and I need to create the process through which to 1:08 go ahead and rectify that wrong that's what we call again so it's specific it's explicit again didn't know the process to correct it or have to figure out the process to correct it and that's ultimately Again my goal today we're 1:26 picking up on page 22 where if Cook writes as follows and this is very beautiful if Cook says there's another category of chuva and his wording over here is quite interesting stomis means like generalis means also like a a general 1:44 a general almost nonspecific type of chuv now what is that he says shall ultimately again it's not there there's no specific sin there's no specific sin right or no specific sins that ultimately again are coming to mind but a person feels 2:13 a person feels just meduka means beaten down just feeling like just a little bit beaten down a little a little a little bit pushed down if Look, before we go on, by the way, take a quick look at footnote 12. 2:27 And here says as follows. 2:28 He says, this second category of chuva is not like our first category of specific directed. 2:40 In the first category of chuva, a person knows what his sin is, what his averos are. 2:48 You know, it's a little bit easier if if I know what my if I know what I've done wrong. 2:53 I I know what my mistake is. 2:54 I know what I have to do. 2:56 Chuva almost is like the medicine. 2:58 You know, it's no different if you go to the doctor and you say your throat hurts. 3:02 Okay, there's there could be a directed remedy. 3:04 You go to the doctor, you just say I feel lethargic. 3:07 So when just say you feel lethargic, that that could be a variety of of different things. 3:11 So the first form of ch of cook says is like I know of a specific illness and therefore there's a specific targeted remedy in this in this second category he goes on he says but in the second category of ch 3:27 what he calls just this nonspecific general there's no concrete or specific sin that's that's bringing me down. 3:47 So if you ask me like what do I have to fix? 3:50 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. 3:52 I I can't give you a specific answer. 4:00 Essentially, I'm not happy with where I am. 4:04 And I feel like a lot of where I am in life is because I'm not making good decisions. 4:11 Now again, can I point to a specific sin? 4:15 Can I point to a specific behavior that I need to eradicate? 4:19 Not not necessarily. But if you ask me, is my life where I want it to be? 4:25 The answer is a resounding no. 4:28 And I know that the and the reason for that is because I'm not living the life that I should be living. 4:36 He goes on, he says, okay, we'll come back to just a moment. 4:45 So go go back to to the top right now. 4:48 Second line on page 22. 4:50 He says, I just feel very means beaten down. 4:56 I just feel beaten down in life. 5:00 I feel like I feel sinful. 5:03 Even though if you ask me what have I done wrong, of course we'll say we all do things wrong. 5:08 But it's not like I can identify say you know in the first model of ch which is a little bit easier. 5:14 Yeah. I I know the a right. 5:17 I I know the thing that I'm doing. 5:18 I know the thing that's wrong and I know what I have to correct. 5:22 Maybe I'm there. May maybe I'm not there yet. 5:24 But like there's no great mystery. 5:27 I know what the problem or problems are and I know that I have to devise strategies to go ahead and deal with them. 5:34 In category number two, you know, we I don't know to me this the second category of cha I mean both categories of chival resonates a lot but this second one seems to I don't know feels resonates a lot a lot as 5:46 well which is just in general just not happy with my life where where life is. 5:51 I just feel like I'm I'm not the person I know that I could be. 5:56 I'm not living the life that I know that I could be living. 6:00 He goes on. He says, "I don't feel that the light of God is shining upon me or emanating from me. 6:13 My heart is closed off. 6:15 I'm just I'm just I'm like I'm like a little bit like spiritually walled off. 6:18 I I just I don't I don't feel in tune or connected. 6:29 Literally again my midos my character traits that's literally my midos just like the pathways of my soul are not going in the way that I want it to go. 6:45 I know that I have the energy. 6:46 I know that I have the power in me to live a good life, to do good things, to be the best ver best version of myself. 6:53 But I also know I'm not there. 6:57 I'm just not there. 7:04 Page 23 say it's fascinating over here is so like beautifully poetic. 7:12 So beautifully poetic. And it's almost as if RV cook is saying that I'm just in this state of like personalistic unhappiness. 7:21 Unhappiness. And I must say this state is so much more complicated. 7:26 Right? The first state is so much easier. 7:28 Why? Because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, I know what's broken. 7:33 I know what's wrong and I know what has to be fixed. 7:36 In this second category, just there's this general feeling of underperformance and unhappiness. 7:43 But I can't link it to one specific thing because often it's not one specific. 7:48 It's a composite of a whole bunch of things in my life that just are not going the way that they should. 7:59 This is such a strong wording over here. 8:01 I know God is not in me. 8:04 Now I want to point out when Cook says this, when a cook says this, really what he means to say is like this. 8:10 I feel that God is not in me. 8:13 Right? God is in me. 8:14 This was always in me. 8:16 This was always with me. 8:18 This is talking about how I feel. 8:19 And I both say, you know, one of the most difficult things in life is how we feel often governs our reality. 8:25 Even if our feelings are not true, right? 8:27 One of the hardest things in life is to recognize that just because I feel a certain way does not mean that that is reality. 8:34 And does that does not mean that that is objective truth. 8:37 I know that intellectually but when you feel a certain way it is very hard to divorce your feelings from your realities. 8:44 Second sacred of cook says I feel like God is not in me. 8:49 I know he is but I feel that he's not and that causes me the greatest amount of pain. 8:56 When I feel that I am not on the level of that I know I can be on and God is not in me the way that I feel he really can be in me. 9:06 that causes me a tremendous amount of pain. 9:11 I become very upset with myself, like almost like embittered about myself. 9:19 And then I just like begin to just when you begin to feel badly about yourself. 9:23 That's also when you really begin just to get down on yourself, beat yourself up. 9:29 And I feel like I'm unworthy. 9:30 Feel like I'm unworthy. 9:34 I feel just like a nothing. 9:36 A nothing. So what happens now? 9:38 What happens with all this? 9:39 Now again, you're like, "Oh my gosh, I woke up for this." 9:42 Right? So now no, now one second. 9:44 One second. Remember, remember there there's a beautiful piece in this. 9:48 What's the beautiful piece? 9:49 Page 24. So remember again this says leads to second category of cha. 10:02 What's second category of chuva? 10:04 This chuva that is not directed at a particular but remember again this chuva that says I feel terrible about myself in this moment in this moment but I know that I have the ability to go ahead and lift myself up. 10:18 I have the ability to go ahead and literally literally pick myself up. 10:23 In other words, I'm feeling terrible about myself. 10:25 I'm feeling down about myself. 10:26 I'm feeling unhappy about myself. 10:28 Not because of any one specific thing but because of a composite of things. 10:31 Great. There's this thing called chuva. 10:33 And what can I do with chuva? 10:35 I can lift myself up. 10:36 With chuva, I don't have to feel badly about what what am I doing chuva for say this level of chuva is more of like a comprehensive personalistic spiritual overhaul that in this state ultimately again what I'm doing is I'm lifting 10:53 myself up in totality. 10:55 I'm literally raising myself up. 10:57 So chuva comes along cook says like a bandage like a bandage like a bomb of a trusted doctor right you go to the doctor the doctor gives you that medicine to help you feel better is that medicine ultimately again to 11:14 lift me up he says ultimately the feeling of the depth of its understanding over here is so profoundly beautiful. 11:29 The feeling right the the ability of chuva to get down into the depth of my hear what is describing not the specific targeted chuva but almost like a general sense of profound life chuva that says I can become someone different. 11:49 I can be someone different. 11:52 I can change who and what I am. 11:55 I can change how I feel. 11:58 I can change every element of my life about myself that I choose to. 12:03 One more line then we'll have to stop for today. 12:05 He goes on. He says faith faith in the strength of So we'll have to stop over here because we're out of time. 12:29 But just says in the second level of chuva, what I realize again is I have the ability to affect change within myself. 12:37 Not the first level of change that called chuvaes which is specific targeted chuva. 12:45 Chuva that addresses a particular but this is chuva sounds better than stomis rightclus this general sense of chuva we're just at the end of the day it starts out because I'm unhappy with who I am and then it's almost as 13:03 if I flip a switch I can change I can change myself how am I changing myself what am I changing about myself so again that's going to be hashem's subsequent pro and how I tackle that there's sometimes just this knowledge 13:18 that there is no part of my persona that I can't tackle right there remember again we speak about this often there are there could be many circumstances in life that I can't tackle or change that that is possible but there 13:33 is no part of myself that I cannot tackle or change there is no part of me that if I put my mind to it all right I can't address and I can't lift up That knowledge Cesar cook is the ultimate 13:48 balm is the self is the spiritual medication that I need to lift myself out of the depths of yosh out of the depths of hopelessness. 13:56 We also have to stop over for today more about this I don't know we'll have to we'll have to maybe over we'll find uh we'll find some time to go forward certainly after we're going to continue with this
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