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0:00 All right. So, tonight we're going to do a really beautiful piece by the balat. 0:06 We're going to do a Everyone should feel free by the whoever wants to come sit like uh like go around. 0:10 You could uh Okay, I'm going to I'm in everyone's personal space as well, but if anyone would like. 0:15 >> All right. So, we're going to do a beautiful piece. 0:16 David Schwarz, you have this uh David, you know, you want to come up here. 0:22 You know, you don't want to sit back. 0:23 You might. >> So, come on. 0:24 So, let's go. >> All right. 0:26 So we'll say so we're going to do a very beautiful piece tonight by the balata and this actually it's funny I saw this piece I saw this piece quoted in a in a different in a different safer and then it 0:36 just happens to be that I came across it today also like in this in this safer which is a compilation of the Torah on on look what he writes over here it says so again so this is a beautiful piece 0:54 actually hopefully if we have time we're going to do a a little bit of rook also. 0:57 I feel very bad you know like we started right we started cook during uh when did we start and then the truth is I totally misgu but I totally misguided that by the time uh by the time >> um the week 1:15 before comes around there's already no time for anything because all we have time for is before daffing so I felt like I was all excited to do through like has got in the way yeah that's not my quote But that's 1:27 not sorry but I'm saying yeah did get did get a little bit in the way. 1:32 All right so so hopefully tonight we'll get a little bit of also because we're going to see there's some tremendous overlap here. 1:38 So look at the writes. 1:41 So again just so you understand how this is set up over this. 1:46 So the bal's primary Torah is up here and then the parish is on the bottom. 1:50 We're going to be just going through we're going to be learning it through the perish. 1:54 So he says as follows. 2:00 So this is the for on this day I will atone for you to purify you from all of your sins before Hashem you shall be purified. 2:11 So it says that so he says I just want to also point out over here what the Reb is going to do is he's going to raise a number of questions but he's actually only going to address one of them 2:24 over the course over the course of of this particular piece but just the questions are interesting nevertheless. 2:30 So number one, why the double of on this day will atone for you to purify you from all of your sins before you shall be purified. 2:46 So why does it have to say he'll purify you and you will be purified. 2:51 Why the double ashion? 2:53 Furthermore, let's also just point out something very interesting has a has a beautiful piece on this where the asks a different question. 3:02 He says the notice says does two things right on this day you will be atoned for to purify you. 3:15 So Salvik says what's the difference between kapara and tara now often we use them synonymously it just means like purification purification right atom and purification all the same thing says they're two very different things says something very beautiful which I 3:30 think is uh a very profound insight just into the nature of chaik explains that every sin every fate generates two byproducts sin creates onesh every sin creates liability for punishment. 3:46 And this is important to understand. 3:47 There is no sin without punishment. 3:51 Right? After all, the says, "Whoever says that God just overlooks anything, let his insides spill out, which means it's not good." 4:01 Right? In other words, you know, you know, so like says willing to forgive. 4:06 But, but just understand every single comes with liability. 4:10 And by the way, this makes a lot of sense. 4:12 What's one of the things that we teach our children? 4:14 First thing we teach our children. 4:17 >> Okay. Second thing we teach our children, right? 4:20 Consequences. Consequences. Behaviors have consequences. 4:24 In fact, one of the worst things that parents do is threaten and don't carry through. 4:30 Because if you threaten and you don't carry through, then what you're teaching your children is you could get away from erroneous behavior without consequences. 4:37 Now, that doesn't mean there's not room for forgiveness. 4:39 We'll get to that in just a moment. 4:40 But this is incredibly important. 4:42 Every every sin by definition has an onesh. 4:45 So whenever you sin, there's a punishment. 4:48 Why the punishment comes has a different session. 4:49 There's a punishment. But salvation says also creates tum. 4:54 It creates impurity. When I sin, by definition, I defile myself. 4:59 When I when I sin, I I fundamentally chip away at my holiness. 5:03 There's there's a tomah. 5:04 There's there's literally an impurity that is created from sin. 5:09 Therefore says something so beautiful. 5:11 He says you know what the power of isap atonement is the process through which punishment is removed. 5:25 Atonement takes away onesh takes away takes away impurity. 5:33 The power of yum kiper the power of yum kiper is that it removes both levels of sin liability both the punishment as well as the impurity which which just so you understand the profoundity of the day and by the way 5:47 to compound that so that calls the position of rebi even though it doesn't itself doesn't pass in this way but rebi that the essence of the day itself atones which means if you eat your Kipper and you go to sleep. 6:05 You go to sleep. 6:06 Some people do this at home. 6:07 Some people do this in right you know. 6:08 You know so you right to eat. 6:10 You come you go to sleep and you wake up in time ford. 6:14 You sleep 24 hours. 6:16 25 hours. So have you experienced the kiper? 6:18 >> Yes. >> Right. So holds. 6:20 Yes. Rebi actually holds in the day itself atones for you no matter what you do. 6:25 You dive and you don't dive as long as you fast. 6:28 As long as you fast >> on a very basic level. 6:29 I think we spoke about this once before. 6:31 ass like so the guy who plugs away in shel >> doesn't gets a higher level >> of course of course it's not it's not in other words there's not one kapara for all there's different there's different levels but just understand the profundity 6:44 of this pointing out that the power of yum say like >> you know we often think to ourselves like yum kipra would be so much better if it just had a cup of coffee right all I need is just I don't 6:56 even need a food just like one cup of coffee in the morning right and what what what this day could be. 7:03 But that's because we think that the power of the day is fundamentally rooted in our ability to connect to it. 7:11 And what we don't realize is that the power of the day is based on our ability to lean into it. 7:18 Whether whether I'm awake and running on all cylinders or not, obviously the goal is is to be connected. 7:25 But that's not actually how Yum Kipper works. 7:27 Yum kipper doesn't need to be activated by me. 7:30 Yum kipper by definition itself is just fundamentally on and the day itself has the power to remove all punishment and has the power to remove all. 7:40 Okay. So the goes on he says number one why the double of right and then he says something very interesting. 7:53 Then he asks why are there 10 days of repentance? 7:56 Obviously that number is not random made it that between are 10 days. 8:02 Why 10 days? Why 10 days? 8:04 In fact again in fact again you know if anything if you're looking for a classic biblical number it would be >> seven. 8:12 >> Seven I just had I had to go to the dentist today and the hygienist is a very a very uh devout Christian woman and she was she was asking me all these questions. 8:23 She it's actually fascinating. 8:24 She um she very very very firm woman. 8:27 She lights shabas candles. 8:29 She lights shabas candles. 8:30 That's that's her thing. 8:32 So she's she's asking me all of these questions about sukus, about this that. 8:37 I'm like I just want to get out of this chair. 8:39 I just really want to get out of this chair. 8:41 Call me. We'll set up an appointment. 8:42 I'm happy to talk to you about Judaism. 8:44 I just want to get out of this right now. 8:47 But it was fascinating because she was saying, "Oh, I see everything in Judaism is seven." 8:52 Seven. And she said like, "I assume that means that that's the correlation to that is always creation." 8:57 Yeah. 100%. That's what's unique. 8:59 Right. That's why whenever you see something out outside of a seven, there's always something unique. 9:05 Right. Right. So whenever you get to eight and beyond, there's always something else going on. 9:10 So the bat says, "Why there 10 days of cho?" 9:14 Why? Why? Why? Why 10? 9:16 Okay. Like I said, he's not going to answer that question tonight. 9:18 He says, now asks a fascinating question. 9:28 He says, furthermore, when do the 10 days of repentance that starts like when does it reach its apex? 9:33 Right? When does it reach it its pinnacle ultimately? 9:38 But why? Why do I have to wait 10 days in order to reach the pinnacle of chuva? 9:44 After all, again, when could when could you do chva? 9:46 When could you do >> anytime you want any even writes that explicitly? 9:52 You could do cha anytime you want. 9:54 Anytime you want so you say I don't understand like so what is it exactly about these 10 days and why is it that somehow you're reaching this apex of and he writes as follows. 10:07 He skipped down a little bit. 10:08 He says he says he says explains as follows. 10:14 This this is going to be I'm telling you probably one of the most beautiful things if you haven't heard it already that you will hear in your entire life. 10:22 Look what he writes. 10:29 This is so beautiful. 10:30 What's turning face to face with Hashem upon him? 10:38 It's turning face. Now what does that mean? 10:40 He says in the right hand paragraph on the bottom all the way on the bottom about four lines up says the essence of is the essence of is to be face to face with face to face with Hashem. 11:04 What's the essence of say we mention this all the time we translate as repentance right but that's not that's not edetmologically correct right the lion of chuva really is what >> return return to what >> a clean soul >> so really interestingly enough 11:21 the first time we find the word I mean we find the word basha shaft in the Torah right the first time we find the word is actually by the nisha The Nvish was actually quite literally the first circuit judge. 11:36 And what he would do is because right had this dual this dual identity. 11:39 He was both the chop the judge and the ni and the prophet. 11:42 So what sorry would do is something very interesting would actually travel the entire land and as he he would bring the law to the people didn't make the people come to him and of ismo lived in the north when he 11:58 would return. So really the the most beautiful understanding of cha is that chuva is a return home. 12:07 It's a return home. 12:09 Where's home? Where's home? 12:11 Some have a home because like the remember again we saw this we saw this in Tanya you know I think we got through the first four lines of Tanya right but we started this and we say what does say that 12:23 every has a soul and what's it is literally a piece of there's a piece of Hashem in me which means I come from the heavens that's that that's where we come from say it's one of the most beautiful things that 12:39 often we forget you know like where you from I'm from New York. 12:42 No, you're not from New York. 12:43 Not from New York, right? 12:45 At the end of the day, I'm from Shay. 12:48 That's where I'm from. 12:49 I come from the heavens. 12:51 I come from underneath the I come from Hashem. 12:57 That's where I come from. 12:58 I am a spark. 13:00 I am a piece from therefore the of is return home. 13:05 Where's home? Home is where your God is. 13:08 Home is where is so the essence of chuva ultimately is return to home which means return to so that's the says the essence of chuva is to come back to return and to come close to hem left hand paragraph on 13:22 the bottom this is beautiful now here's here here's the problem is everywhere right the notion of distancing yourself from someone or something means that's what in other words there's something that occupies a certain space and I could remove myself from 13:47 that space right so I could disassociate from another person because you know Steve is over here and I could choose to move my chair back and I could choose to go into a different room and and we're separate but the 13:58 says how can you separate yourself from Hashem how does that He says is everywhere. 14:09 He's everywhere. So what does this mean that somehow there's a distance between me and like just just practically how does that occur? 14:20 How how do you distance yourself from an entity that is everywhere? 14:26 It doesn't seem possible. 14:27 And oh nice he says why do I have to come back and be close because after all how was I ever able to distance myself? 14:36 It's it's such a fascinating like theological question. 14:40 If I accept the premise, which of course we do, that is everywhere and in everything. 14:47 That's why at the end of the day, at the end of the day, I can't get away from him, >> right? 14:53 I can't there there there's no >> mean one can choose to ignore it. 14:57 >> But that's different than distance. 14:59 In other words, I could close my eyes to something, but even if I close, right, if I close my eyes, you're still here. 15:04 I don't see you. 15:05 But the proximity is there. 15:06 The bat is just asking on the lion of chuva. 15:09 Shiva means I've gone away from something and now I'm returning. 15:12 How is it that you distance yourself from something that is everywhere? 15:18 I'm sorry >> but even so all right so a right a distance but he already say he's asking on a mechanistic level if Hashem is everywhere where are you going that's your distance from him psychological >> in a way the punishment is more 15:37 than just a physical punishment there is an emotional and there is a psychological punishment for every affair that we do. 15:51 Therefore, why do I have to suffer so much for committing a sin? 16:01 Well, it's what is the sin? 16:04 It's the frequency of committing it because it may become a habit. 16:12 It permeates the soul from one time to many. 16:18 Therefore affecting all three of those things more intensely. 16:23 So we really become to >> right >> all over not just physically >> right >> spiritually inside. 16:38 Do we know how to remove So you're saying good 100%. 16:44 But the bal is asking a simpler question. 16:46 He's just asking just a mechanistic question. 16:49 If something is everywhere, >> how are you ever distanced from it? 16:54 There's logic by >> So again, so that's so but again that's not distance. 17:01 That's me closing my eyes. 17:02 That's me closing my eyes. 17:03 So like I said, I could close my eyes. 17:05 So I don't see Steve, but I'm not far from him. 17:08 I'm not far, but he's still there. 17:10 So is just saying how does it in other words the notion that I distance myself from with my negative behavior yes with the everything but is everywhere said what exactly is the nature of the dis he's just asking it's just 17:23 a fascinating point to ponder about how the notion of distance acquires or or occurs with something that occupies every piece of finite and infinite space. 17:34 Look what he said. 17:35 A rhetorical question. >> I'm sorry. 17:37 >> It it >> Well, we'll see. 17:39 >> How can >> it does correct? 17:42 So that we we'll see. 17:43 So look what he writes. 17:43 He says, listen to he says obviously as we just said before return. 18:05 So obviously the notion of physical closeness or distance from cannot or I should say differently the concept of closeness or distance from Hashem cannot be understood in a physical way because there is no physical way to distance yourself from God. 18:21 It's not possible. Why? 18:27 Because Hashem is everywhere. 18:29 So because Hashem is everywhere, there is no physical way to separate yourself from God. 18:35 came. Listen to how beautiful this is. 18:42 He says the these I these might be the most beautiful words I've ever read in my entire life. 18:47 A Jew is always close to Hashem. 18:50 A Jew I just want to point out just a Jew is always close to Hashem. 18:55 Now this goes against much of what we learn in classic Chuva literature. 19:02 Classic Chuva literature is when you sin what do you do? 19:05 You create distance. Again even say like tum again say remember the notion of tuma. 19:10 What happens when your tummy happens in your tummy? 19:12 Tuma 101. What happens? 19:14 >> Separation. >> Separation. The first thing what did you say? 19:19 >> Dirty. >> Dirty. Right. I'm saying but what's what's the what's the effect? 19:23 The effect is separation. 19:25 >> Right. That that's tuma always engenders a sense of separation. 19:28 Right. The balatana says something so beautiful. 19:30 He says but it's not possible. 19:33 You can't be separated from it's not possible because occupies every bit of space. 19:41 So therefore by definition you're never far from hem. 19:45 It's the he says we are always in close proximity to hem and ultimately it is impossible to be distant from Hashem. 20:02 It is impossible that Hashem is distant from us and that we are distant from him. 20:07 say even before we go on is is it not worth it just to read those beautiful words that no matter what I do in life it is impossible for me to be distant from >> that contend with we hear different we 20:19 learn different places that so bad hashem has distanced himself from the individual >> that's not the say that that is that is a theologically incorrect statement >> doesn't happen >> that is a theolog that that does not happen now let's see what does happen 20:33 because obviously something happens right when a person sins is something does occur. 20:38 So what does occur? 20:38 I will say this is so beautiful. 20:40 He says Ella this is the most beautiful piece I have seen and just I very spoiled by it. 20:53 So look at his he says you could compare it to two people who are standing next to each other. 21:01 So say imagine imagine the following. 21:03 You have two people Reuven and Shim and Reuven and Shim are standing next to each other but only one thing they're standing back to back to back. 21:12 So he says so on one hand on one incredible Ruben and Shim are they close to each other? 21:22 Are they close to each other? 21:24 Yeah. But they have absolutely no connection to one another. 21:28 Right? Why not? Because Ruven's looking east and Shim's looking west. 21:32 Right? So they're literally back to back, but they can't see each other there, right? 21:38 There's there's no like ocular ocular interaction with one another. 21:43 They're back to back. 21:44 And the only way for them to connect, how do how do they connect? 21:48 How do they connect? 21:54 >> Face to face. The only way. 21:55 So what you hear the balana is saying you could be so close to something but yet so far. 22:03 Ruven and Shim are standing back to back. 22:05 They're practically touching but they don't see each other. 22:10 They don't see each other and they might even be fundamentally unaware that the other is right here. 22:16 Something amazing happens. A slight turn if they just both turn a little bit and suddenly pun him up. 22:24 upon him. Suddenly they're standing face to face and the says as follows. 22:37 So therefore the Reb says as follows. 22:38 The notion of our distance from is like two people standing back to back. 22:50 This is incredible. Reuben and Shim when they stand back to back there is no physical distance between them. 22:57 But often there could be a tremendous emotional gap between them, right? 23:03 They have no shas with each other because at the end of the day they're standing back there right next to each other. 23:09 Right next to each other. 23:11 But at the end of the day there's no connection. 23:13 He goes on, he says, here's what's incredible. 23:27 Here's what's incredible. You see in the balata's mush so the what happens during sin and this is incredibly what what happens when a yid sins what what am I what am I effectively doing right my natural disposition is I'm upon 23:41 him to hashem that that that's the default the default setting is I'm face to face with god what happens when I sin what do I do >> I turn away I turn away says says if you're going to turn away I'm 23:56 also going to turn But here's the incredible part. 24:00 Even when I turn away from him and he in turn turns away from me, what's the most incredible thing? 24:08 >> We're back to back. 24:11 Physically, there's no distance. 24:13 We're right We're right We're right there. 24:16 We're right there. And the only thing that I need to do is turn myself around back to him. 24:22 And as soon as I'm ready to turn back around, he's ready to turn back around to me. 24:25 And again you see with the B time that's chuva chuva is not this long arduous journey back to chuva is just simply turning around turning around is right here. 24:40 He's literally right here. 24:41 You see we so often have this conception of like Hashem is is as a result as a result of my negative behaviors. 24:48 Hashem is in some faraway destination and now chuva is the long arduous spiritual trek to get back to and say I want to tell you something. 24:58 Do you know why most of us aren't really successful in our chuva? 25:01 Do you know why? 25:03 I guess you know I'll tell you why. 25:06 I'll tell you why I'm not sadic. 25:07 I failed that cha many many many times. 25:09 I'll tell you why. 25:11 Because we get so exhausted thinking about the journey. 25:14 Forget about taking it. 25:15 Forget about taking it. 25:16 I'm so exhausted about thinking about the journey that I'm like, you know what? 25:20 Forget it. I I don't actively say forget it. 25:22 It's just more like a little bit of like passive aggressive just giving up on it because we think that it's such a far trek and about time. 25:29 Shem is right here. 25:30 Hashem is right here. 25:31 He never left your side. 25:32 He's okay. You turned your back on him. 25:34 So, by the way, you you know what happens? 25:37 You know, sometimes like in certain relationships perhaps, you know, you may uh you may give people the silent treatment, right? 25:44 Not never a good idea. 25:45 But let's say you do it. 25:47 Whenever you give someone a silent treatment, what do you always expect? 25:54 Such a group of it's incredible, right? 25:56 What when the reason people what what I what I hope for is that the other person is going to come running after me, right? 26:02 I'm not I'm not I'm not talking I'm I'm gives I'm upset and the other person is going to say, "Oh, I'm so upset. 26:07 Come running after me." 26:09 Except sometimes that doesn't happen, right? 26:11 And what ends up happening, that's what you're going to do. 26:13 You're going to give me the silent treatment, right? 26:15 that that's how we're going to interact. 26:16 Okay? Right? That's what you want to do. 26:18 Fine. That's what we'll do. 26:19 You turn your back to me, I'll turn your back to you. 26:21 Only because if you're not interested, I can't be I can't be more interested in the relationship than you are. 26:27 Relationship is only created between two interested parties. 26:31 And if one party is highly interested and one party is highly uninterested, there's nothing there's no relationship who says you're going to do your thing and you're going to sin and you're going to turn your back to me. 26:42 I love you. I'm not going anywhere, but I'll turn my back to you also. 26:46 So says we spend extended amounts of time back to back with wondering where did God go? 26:53 How do I get back? 26:55 Hello, hello. I'm here. 26:56 I'm here. I'm here. 26:57 Just turn around. Just turn around. 26:59 He goes on. That's amazingly enough. 27:09 This is so beautiful. 27:11 Hashem says to Moshe, Hashem says to Moshe, "Sometimes you will see my back and you will not see my face." 27:17 Remember again, this is in the aftermath of the golden calf, right? 27:20 So, Hashem says to Moshe, you know, sometimes as a result of your behaviors, all you're going to see is my back. 27:25 You're not even going to see my back. 27:26 Maybe you'll feel my back, but you're not even going to see it. 27:28 And sometimes you won't see my forward facing my forward my front facing face. 27:36 Okay? If that makes sense. 27:40 It was like how beautiful this is. 27:41 And what do we say should shine his countenance, his face onto you. 27:47 I want his face. 27:50 That's what I want. 27:56 And say this is incredible. 27:57 This is why again this so often this emphasis on upon him. 28:06 I want Hashem's face. 28:08 I don't want his back. 28:09 I want to stand face to face. 28:11 And the Reb says on the right hand side, he says when ultimately a person sins against Hashem turns away also, Hashem turns away also. 28:27 Right? Now, now why does Hashem turn away? 28:28 Because again if I'm going to turn away say it's important to understand this many times says so normally we translate as Hashem is your shade says that's not what it means is your shadow. 28:50 What does a shadow do? 28:51 What does a shadow do? 28:52 A shadow does whatever you do. 28:55 says, "Our relationship with is based on one core principle, reciprocity. 29:02 Whatever you're willing to put in is what you're going to get out. 29:06 That's the way it works. 29:07 Hashem is my who says you're going to heavily invest in the relationship, I'll give you reciprocal investment. 29:13 But if at the end of the day, you're not interested. 29:16 if at the end of the day you're just going to get by and you're not interested in investing in the relationship, don't expect more from me if you're not willing to put into the relationship. 29:25 So the so so the Reb says here something amazing. 29:27 He says, "Therefore, when I sin and I turn away from turns away from me, not not not even out of anger, but just relationship reciprocity. 29:39 That's how it works. 29:40 You're you're not talking to me or turning away from me. 29:42 I'll turn away from you. 29:44 also has again forward facing and and back facing. 30:05 Good. Let's skip a little bit. 30:06 Skip a little bit too. 30:09 Skip a little bit. 30:13 Good. Go to the go to the end of the on the left hand on the left hand column. 30:17 Bottom left hand column that last paragraph right there. 30:28 So therefore when I sin and I turn away from Hashem, Hashem turns away from me. 30:32 Does he leave me? 30:33 Does he leave me? 30:34 No. And that is the great beauty of this relationship. 30:37 We have a little bit of a falling out. 30:38 But he's right here. 30:39 He's literally right here. 30:44 Turn the page. So again, skip the next paragraph. 31:06 upon him. So let let me tell you the rest of this outside and I will say this is really so actually just I'm sorry one more line the end of the right hand paragraph on page what's that moment where you 31:28 decide to stop giving your back to God is the moment where I make the decision I'm turning turning back around to face my father. 31:40 I'm turning back around to reinvest in the relationship. 31:43 I'm turning back around to re-engage. 31:47 That's the totality of cha sin puts me back to back with but even at that moment of tremendous is still right here. 32:00 He's literally again still right here. 32:02 He's he's right he's right by me. 32:03 He's right by me. 32:04 and will say is that simple gesture of where I say I'm tired of living back to back. 32:12 I want to turn around and face you up and the moment we're willing to turn around to that is willing to turn back around to us as well. 32:24 That's a simple decision to turn around to now the sh is how do you turn around? 32:32 So the balata happens to go on in some of the subsequent pieces and he discusses this idea Torah. 32:39 Torah is a fundamental vehicle in getting us to turn which makes sense because by definition I will say what does Torah do? 32:47 What does Torah do more than anything? 32:51 >> I'm sorry. >> Teach. Good. 32:53 But on a deeper level, what does Torah do? 32:55 It teaches. It connects us right all the time. 32:59 And I know it's so so you know sometimes like uh heavily yeshiva educated people get offended by this statement but the power of Torah is not in your ability to understand it. 33:08 That's why even if you read a piece of Torah and you don't have any clue what it's saying let's say for argument sake maybe you're learning right and perhaps and perhaps perhaps perhaps there are days you're like what is going 33:21 on over here and you're like oh my gosh I'm wasting my time. 33:24 No, you're not. No, you're not. 33:26 Because every single word brings you closer to your father. 33:29 It's not about what you understand. 33:31 You understand you don't understand it. 33:32 It makes it makes I mean it makes a difference, but it doesn't make a difference else in the shama and the bat says every word you learn every word you learn the itself like it pushes you. 33:43 It's like it's like that hand against my shoulder getting me to rotate to face my father. 33:48 So the balatanya says that's what Torah does. 33:51 Torah pushes us to turn our back away from God and to face him face to face. 33:56 That's what does. And the truth is it's whatever does it for you. 34:01 Sometimes in life it could also just be a conscious decision that I'm tired of living backto back with God. 34:08 Why should I live backtoback with God? 34:10 I want to live face to face. 34:12 I want to live upon him upon him. 34:13 And what does it require? 34:14 All it requires is for me to once again begin to reinvest in the relationship. 34:19 Unfortunately, as a result of my sinful behavior, I I have turned my back on God. 34:24 And when I turn my back on him, he turns his back on me. 34:26 Not because he doesn't love me. 34:28 He's right here. He's right here. 34:30 He never leaves. He never He's everywhere. 34:31 He's right here. So, chula is the process by which I make a conscious decision to turn back around to face my father. 34:39 Whether it's through Torah, whether it's through or whether it's just through an act of cognition. 34:44 Now, I just want to show you something interesting. 34:45 Just I'll take one more minute. 34:46 I know it's late already, but I'll just show you something amazing because with this understanding a piece by Rafuk says I think fits in very beautifully as well. 34:55 Rafuk writes if you turn the page this is the page that looks like this. 34:59 So this is says page 22 on top. 35:04 So so this so just to give you context we actually this is one of the last pieces we actually learned in orasa together. 35:11 Ravks was speaking about different forms of chuva and he was speaking about this concept of chuva pratismas. 35:19 What's chuva pratismas? Literally translated specific specific identifiable or right specifically defined chuva which essentially is classic chuva. 35:28 What do classic chuva? 35:30 I committed an a I don't know whatever your favorite a insert here right I committed an auva is the process through which I do chuva for that particular a and depending on the a there are different types of chuva for 35:45 different types of aas okay on page 22 says something different look what he writes over here we'll just read one line he says there's another type of chuva what he calls which is just a general overarching. 36:05 What does this mean? 36:12 I'm not really thinking about it's not really generated by sins or by negative things that I've done. 36:40 So essentially cook says as follows. 36:44 Sometimes it's just like this feeling inside of me that I'm underperforming. 36:49 I'm just underperforming. It's not even about a specific a. 36:54 It's just this general feeling that my life is not as it should be. 37:01 I don't know. And if you ask me what is it? 37:03 Like what's what's the problem? 37:06 Of course, all of us know the things that we're doing wrong. 37:08 But it's this more general feeling that just things aren't in the place they should be. 37:16 They're not they're just not right. 37:18 I'm I'm I'm not right. 37:19 I'm not I'm not where I want to be. 37:23 Where does that feeling come from? 37:26 I think that feeling comes from of course that feeling comes from that feeling you know you know you know how like if you're in a very dark room or like even if you have your eyes closed you could s like 37:37 I I don't know what I don't know what the scientific explanation of it is but like you could sense if there's another person next to you right this is like one of the occupational hazards I have of being a candy 37:48 man and like I could be like in the midst of the most beautiful but I hear that there's a little kid like come not just the pip like you feel it they're like they're irrespective they'll just wait there like like 37:57 looking you know looking you know but but but like I I don't know I'm sure there's a I'm sure there's a physiological explanation for whatever it is but but in the sense also like sometimes I sense the fact that I'm backto 38:13 back with God I sense it and then I realize why why why am I living my life like that why am I living back to back when I could be face to face and it's not even about a particular aa 38:28 right it's not about a particular sin it's not about oh I need to stop doing this or start doing that it's something so much deeper and so much more comprehensive just I don't want to be living back to back I 38:41 want to be living face to face cook says there's yes there is a specific type of chuva that he calls a specific type of chuva that is identifiable that is specific to address a particular sin and has a particular approach 38:54 And then there's just general cha that I think just comes from this feeling of I feel I know God's there. 39:01 I know we're standing back to back, but I feel them in close proximity, but I don't want to live like this. 39:06 I want to live face to face. 39:08 And that chuva is that moment where I say, you know what, enough. 39:12 Why am I doing this to myself? 39:14 Why am I doing this to my God? 39:16 Life could be so much better. 39:17 Life could be so much sweeter. 39:18 Life could be so much more beautiful if I just live upon him, upon him, face to face. 39:24 with my father and chuva is that process where I find the courage to simply turn myself around. 39:30 And by the way, the B time says later on this is the in the first that we say responsibly together. 39:44 What am I saying? 39:45 Hashem, I want to look at you. 39:49 I don't want to live back to back because otherwise it doesn't make any sense. 39:52 You can't ask Hashem to help you do chuva because chuva is up to you. 39:55 Right? Everything is up to you except for your everything is excuse me everything is in the hands of God except my spirituality. 40:01 What am I asking God for? 40:02 Help me do says what I'm asking for I'm asking for you're asking you for permission to do your correct allow me just to turn back and face you. 40:16 I know that I have I know that I've had my back towards you for a long time. 40:25 I'm ready to turn back towards you. 40:27 And one thing I hope one thing I hope you know saying you know what it's like you know how like uh you know it's um like like even in like in a relationship says you could learn a lot you could 40:37 learn a lot about a relationship between a from relationship between a man and a woman right so let's say a man musters up the courage to tell a woman let's say he's dating his wife or he's I know dating is 40:49 different today but in the good old days right so you must up the courage and you say to the woman who you want to marry I love you Right? 40:57 So after you say those words, you only want to hear one thing, one thing and that is and that is >> I love you too. 41:03 >> I love you too. 41:04 Right? And a little bit like you're holding your breath like cuz you can get you might get a thank you. 41:10 Thank you. Like thank you. 41:13 Okay. You know what is that? 41:14 >> That's nice. >> I might that's nice. 41:17 I'm so happy you feel that way. 41:18 You know, so all all all I want to know all I want to know is that I'm going to put myself out there and tell you how I feel about I'm going to make myself vulnerable. 41:26 I just want you to reciprocate. 41:31 I'm ready to turn around. 41:32 And all I want to know is that when I turn around, I'm going to see you looking right back at me because the worst thing for me would be would be to turn around and you still have your back towards 41:44 me. I'll find the courage to be about I'll find the courage to turn myself around. 41:52 But just promise me that when I do it, you'll be there smiling at me. 41:56 And of course, what does say I never left you. 42:02 I'm never the one who left. 42:04 I'm never the one who left. 42:05 I got tired of being ignored. 42:07 So after you leave, you after you turn your back on me, okay? 42:10 I also have to, so to speak, protect myself a little bit. 42:12 So I'll turn my back to you also a little bit. 42:15 But I love you. 42:15 I never left. I've been I've been standing right by you this entire time. 42:20 So if you begin to turn around to me, of course says I'll be there with a smiling holy and beaming count. 42:27 And I was saying that's really not about all the sin. 42:34 It's really not. It's really not. 42:36 It's just about the courage to start turning back around to with the knowledge that if we say I love you to him, he always says I love you back. 42:46 And if we turn facing him, he will be facing us first to make use. 42:57 Yeah, we have to apologize and we definitely have to make amends for all the things we've done wrong. 43:01 And there's no question we do have to do cha for a specific a as well. 43:05 But at the end of the day theor of what we are supposed to accomplish is stop living with my back towards and find the courage the beautiful courage to live upon him upon him. 43:17 Right. So for tonight everyone
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